My Black fiance needs to be safe and feel safe.
The healing process is not over night and there is no bluprint that all can uniformly follow.
Where help is need, I’m there and enthusiastic. When help is declined, I need to provide space. When help is to be moderate, I am to be careful and respond to her.
One thing that gets touched on regularly with folks in our circles is how people that apologize a lot are always expecting to be harmed because of coming from an abusive background.
I used to fire back “You don’t need to say you’re sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong.” everytime she did that.
That’s another way of telling her she’s doing something wrong RIGHT NOW!!!
Now. I touch her hand and lean in and kiss her face…. anywhere on the face.
She laughs, exhales and continues with whatever she’s doing.
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